


hurt but never broken

by JustAnotherWriterChica



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M, Fix-it fic, also we need to see some more Hera and Sabine, kind of, like that's sabine's second mom right there, listen i just feel like, we zoomed past the fact that Hera was tortured
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:34:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23299414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherWriterChica/pseuds/JustAnotherWriterChica
Summary: Everyone makes it off of the fuel depot in one piece but Hera has just been tortured and her body is dealing with a lot of trauma as it tries to work that nightmare out of its system. Hera is suffering but having her family around might just be all the healing she needs.
Relationships: C1-10P | Chopper & Hera Syndulla, Ezra Bridger & Hera Syndulla, Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios & Hera Syndulla, Hera Syndulla & Sabine Wren, Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Comments: 6
Kudos: 59





	hurt but never broken

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! I just binged all of Rebels since this quarantined started and felt the need to write something afterwards. I didn't want to mess around with the logistics of Kanan not dying too much so I hope that you guys don't mind the fact that I just glazed over that issue. 
> 
> Also this is my first fanfic for Star Wars, so I apologize in advance for any inaccuracies that might lie within.
> 
> Thanks for opening this, I hope you enjoy!

They had made it out in one piece. 

All of them. 

Hera wasn’t entirely sure how they had managed to pull that off. From what she could gather Sabine had pulled the gunship around and shot at the walkers, distracting them just long enough for Ezra to pull her and Kanan into the ship. It had been a miracle and possibly their closest call yet; mere seconds after they had boarded the ship and began to pull away towards their base, Pryce’s walker had shot the fuel depot and the biggest explosion Hera had ever seen was engulfing the horizon. They could all feel the wave of heat engulf them as Sabine did her best to avoid the fiery debris falling out of the sky. 

Everything else between there and the base was a bit of a blur as the drugs from the probe droid ran the rest of their course. Her body was fighting back against it and this was an ugly battle to be had. One moment she was sitting on the floor between Ezra and Kanan as they hovered over her, scanning for damages while reviewing the mission; the next she was barely conscious and violently throwing up the contents of her stomach. Not that there was really much to begin with, Governor Pryce hadn’t bothered to feed her and she couldn’t remember her last meal before being captured. 

Given all that, it wasn’t a pretty sight. 

From the Jedis’ point of view, it was a completely jarring and unexpected turn of events. Kanan had been describing their flight to the fuel depot on the bat wings to Ezra when he felt a weak tug on his pants. Before he could do anything Hera had fallen forwards, barely catching herself with her hands, before vomiting all over Ezra’s shoes. 

The padawan had jumped back in surprise for a moment as Kanan dropped to his knees next to the Twi’lek. He wrapped a hand around her shoulder while rubbing soothing circles into her back. Kanan frowned as he became all too aware of the way she was violently shaking under his grasp, looking to Ezra in shock. 

“Sabine! Get us back to base as fast as you can, something’s wrong with Hera!” Ezra knew it was a stupid demand, they were already barreling back towards base but it was all he could manage to come up with as he watched Hera struggle. Her retching had turned into uncontrollable, painful sounding dry heaving and her head was lolling around as though she could barely hold the weight of it. It was terrifying to see someone who had always been so incredibly strong in his eyes collapsing under the weight of everything that had happened to her. 

For his part, Kanan held Hera up as best as he could since she was basically dead weight in his arms at this point. After a few minutes of her body emptying itself, Hera gave one great shudder before finally slipping into unconsciousness. He pulled her body into his lap, cradling her head to his chest as Ezra dropped down to kneel in front of them, avoiding the mess as best he could. “Kanan? What’s happening to her?”

Just with that one question, Ezra sounded so much more like the scared kid they had picked up from the streets so long ago than the brave young man he was today. It hardened Kanan’s resolve even though he was scared too, he had never experienced Hera this fragile and beaten in all their years together, but he had to be brave right now. For Ezra. For Hera. For everyone. “Pryce used a nasty drug on her during her interrogation and it’s just working its way out of her system. It’s going to be hard for her but Hera is a fighter, she’ll be fine.” 

He looked up and felt Sabine’s eyes flash towards them, widened at the state of her captain. Kanan emphasized, “She will be okay. It’s Hera, she’s always okay.”

The young Mandalorian nodded and Kanan could’ve sworn he felt the ship speed up underneath him right then even though they were definitely already traveling at max speed. He gazed down at Hera’s small form tucked against him and squeezed her tighter to his body while muttering to himself, “She’ll be fine. She will be fine.”

—————————

The first thing to return to Hera was her sense of smell, oddly enough, and she was quick to pick up on the scent of sanitizers and sweat. It was an odd mix and presented clashing images in her mind. A sterile metal table in a clean office and a woman eagerly jamming down on a button over and over. Her next senses to return were taste and touch. Their reappearance brought the feel of scratchy clothing material rubbing against her whole body and a strong flare of iron coming from the front of her mouth. Hearing brought with it a steely voice that put every single nerve in her body on edge, her mind firing warning signals that this voice was not to be trusted, it brought danger and pain. It sent a chill down her spine as the voice grew closer to her face even though the exact words were lost to her. 

At last, her eyes snapped open and with that returned her sight, but what she saw in front of her made her heart drop into her stomach. Mere inches in front of her stood Governor Pryce, her blue eyes harsh and full of anger, looking at Hera like a predator playing with its prey as her lips pulled back into a snarl. 

Hera breathed hard as she waited for the Governor to speak. They had been going at this for hours and so far she had given up nothing, she knew it was only a matter of time before the less than monotonous torture become pure unending agony. “I will ask you again Syndulla, where is the rebel base?”

The Twi’lek stared down at the woman, working hard to control her breathing as she waited for what she knew was going to result from this non-answer. Every time Governor Pryce reached for that damn button she looked like a kid in a kriffing candy store. Except this time, instead of simply pushing the button to activate the electrocution she fiddled with some dials on the screen. When she was satisfied with her choices an animalistic grin spread across Pryce’s face as she faced the General. “I’m happy to tell you, my dear, that this is going to hurt. A lot.”

With that she pushed down on that damn red button and electricity whipped through Hera’s body, making absolutely everything feel as though it were on fire. Hera had been trying her best to keep quiet through the beatings and other forms of tortures and she had been mostly successful, but this was unlike anything else she had ever experienced. 

As her body jolted there was only thing, one person, that she could think of and she wished he would hurry up and come rescue her already. As her eyes rolled and her limbs jolted, a blood-curdling scream formed at the back of her throat and her previously clenched jaw opened wide as it ripped out of her body, her lips forming the plea, “KANAN!”

Hera sat up with a start as the end of her scream escaped her lips, eyes darting around wildly as she tried to take in her surroundings. She was in a room with walls made of rock, sunlight was filtering in from an opening to her left, and she had been tucked into a somewhat comfortable cot. None of this was adding up. Hera tried to move... somewhere. She didn’t really know where to go but she wasn’t staying right here, confused and alone. 

Before any clear thoughts could form about getting her limbs to cooperate long enough to swing herself out of bed footsteps were rushing through her door. Hera lifted her head as quickly as she could to find four pairs of eyes staring at her and one droid hovering by the window. Kanan was at the front of the group, Sabine and Ezra pushing through the door behind him and Zeb was peering through behind them all. 

“Are you okay—“

“We heard you scream—“

“We came as soon as—“

Sabine, Ezra, and Zeb all tried to speak over one another as they looked at their captain, who was currently retreating farther into the bed and trying to quiet her heaving breaths. She cast a glance towards the Jedi Knight who had led the charge into the room and he picked up the signal she was broadcasting. This was too much for her to deal with right now and she did not need everyone seeing her like this. 

He turned and lowered his voice to speak to them, “Why don’t you guys give us a couple minutes, then we can see if Hera’s up for visitors. Sound good?”

There were murmured responses of reluctant agreement as Chopper rolled away and the other specters trudged out of the room, all casting glances back to their captain who was doing her best to avoid their gazes. 

Once they were gone Hera released the breath she had unknowingly been holding in. “Did I really shout that loud?” Her voice was hoarse from the hours of screaming she had endured and it sounded foreign to her, nothing like her normal honey-sweet tone.

Kanan winced as he lied, “No, we were all just standing nearby when you yelled.” However, his eyes were telling her that they would be lucky if the nearest imperial troops didn’t come barreling down on them right now. 

Hera sighed and brought her head to her hands, shaking with the effort of getting her limbs to cooperate in the right way. Enough rounds of electrocution and your body is bound to have some issues it needs to work out, Hera’s body was well beyond that point. Everything felt stiff and heavy, she knew there had to be marks and burns all over chest from the probes and electrical currents, and she didn’t need to see the rest of her body to know that she was covered in bruises and scrapes. She’d been through the wringer and she knew it showed. 

“Hera?” Kanan’s whisper pulled her from her despairing thoughts. She glanced up at him to find a hand outstretched towards her, asking permission to give the comfort she so desperately needed right now. When she gave a quiet hum of approval Kanan climbed onto the cot behind the pilot, stretching a leg out on each side of her as he looped his arms around her waist, pulling her against his chest as gently as possible. Hera had always told him that when he held her like this she felt like she was safe from the rest of the universe, he hoped that was true right now. 

Hera let out a sigh as she settled against the Jedi’s chest, letting herself nestle into him until her head was resting on his shoulder and she tucked her face into his neck. He smelt like fire and sweat as she breathed him in, but also something that was so uniquely him that she breathed it in regardless. Hera felt his hands come to rest on her thighs and she let her hands wander into his grip, lacing their fingers together with a small squeeze. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hera could feel the words forming in his throat as Kanan spoke, the deep tone grounding her to the present. She shook her head and he sighed, pulling her tighter to him, knowing that the pressure would help Hera center herself. 

The Twi’lek drew her feet in towards herself, tucking her legs up against her chest and trapping their entwined hands there. She did want to talk about it, she wanted to scream and cry and punch everything. Hera was enraged and terrified and incredibly hurt all at the same time, it was too much emotion for one person to deal with. 

“I’m angry Kanan,” Hera whispered, barely audible with the way her throat hurt. “I’m angry and I’m in pain and I’m ashamed that you all saw me that way.”

Hera felt tears form in her eyes as she remembered the looks on everyone’s faces only moments ago. Zeb had looked lost, like he couldn’t imagine this woman who had wrangled him and the kids for years now could ever be broken. Sabine looked as though she was ready to crawl into the bed with Hera and cry, which was gut-wrenching to see from a girl whose primary reaction was to get angry and blow things up. And then there was Ezra. Ezra who looked like a small part of his world was crumbling before him and all he could do was watch helplessly. 

It was in a way, Hera knew that this would change her. Not forever, she was strong and she would rebuild herself, but this experience would haunt her for a long time to come and her body would need time to heal. 

Kanan frowned, “Why would you be ashamed, Hera?”

“Because, Kanan!” Hera sat up as best as she could to look Kanan in the face, angrily wiping her tears away with one hand. “I’m a leader and they need me. They’re supposed to be able to rely on me and trust that I know what I’m doing, but how could they possibly see me like that when I’m so broken?”

“You know that is not how they see you. At all.” Kanan took his now free hand and began running circles into Hera’s back, trying to soothe away some of this pain. “What they saw was part of their family hurting and they all want to do everything in their power to stop that pain. You don’t have to have them in here or tell them everything that happened but you need to know that they just want to help you. They would never, ever see you as broken because you are _not_ Hera. This did not break you.”

Hera sighed and looked down at her body, her hands still twitching every now and then, bruises and cuts peeking out all over her exposed skin. She blinked as she realized that she was no longer in that disgusting prison uniform but one of Kanan’s shirts and her pajama bottoms. He must have changed her clothes for her when they got back, which was good considering her previous outfit was not only triggering for her but also probably covered in bile. 

“Maybe not, but I’m not myself right now. I can feel it, that bitch got in my head. I can still hear her, Kanan, it was so vile. I know I shouldn’t believe any of it, I’m safe now and with family, but…”

Kanan tucked a finger under Hera’s chin and lifted it towards his face, “No one is expecting you to be completely yourself right now. We all know what trauma looks like and you’ve just been through so much more than most people could handle.” He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and relaxed slightly when he heard her sigh. “For right now, don’t think about being General Syndulla, don’t think about the kids or what comes next, think about yourself. Please Hera, just let yourself heal and recover.”

Hera leaned back into the warm embrace and let her eyes droop shut. It would be so easy to fall asleep right now, and she definitely needed the rest, but she was scared of the nightmares that she knew would follow. Instead, she just focused on the rhythmic breathing of the Jedi resting behind her. Her hero. 

She thought about all of the times she had saved Kanan’s skin and conversely, how many times he had saved hers. How many times between the two of them they had soothed each other’s nightmares on a dark anniversary or after a bad mission. How deeply they knew each other’s inner thoughts and habits, anticipating needs before they arose. Years of friendship and something more, something both of them have always been too scared to say. 

Hera would never freely admit it (except to Kanan) but she had been scared out of her mind while she was being held captive. People disappeared in places like the Dome and no one ever knew what became of them. She had a family that she was responsible for, kids that still needed a little bit of raising, the love of her life waiting for her to tell him that, and so many others counting on her guidance.

She inhaled deeply, doing her best to ground herself to this moment, to the love that was surrounding her. Hera listened to Kanan’s even breathing, to the quiet murmurs of her crew waiting just far enough away to give her privacy and the constant thrum of activity at their little base. It drove away the bad memories threatening to creep into her mind and replaced them with a kind of subtle reassurance.

Hera Syndulla would be okay. She was always okay and this time would be no different.

Hurt, but unbroken.

“Kanan?”

“Mhm?” The Jedi sounded like he was a little sleepy and Hera almost chuckled at the sound. Knowing him, he probably hadn’t slept since the word got out that she’d been captured.

“Could you get the kids, love? I want to see them.” Hera gave the strong hands holding her small ones a little squeeze. There was only the slightest hesitation before Kanan was gently extracting himself from the cot and heading out the door. 

Hera took exactly two seconds to swipe a hand over her face and try to pull herself together a little more, straightening her shirt and pulling a blanket over her legs to hide the bruises. She grunted a little with the effort. Proper function was returning and her hands trembled less but her muscles were felt like fire every time she moved.

When she was done Hera shifted to gaze out the window where she could see Zeb, Sabine, and Ezra hovering not too far off in the distance, watching Chopper as he rolled back and forth. It was a little off-putting to see them all so quiet and still but she knew it was out of concern for her. Her heart swelled, it was a wonderful feeling to know that this much love encompassed her. 

Hera watched as Kanan approached and before he could take more than a few steps there was a lot of scuffling and the crew disappeared from their spots outside the window. She heard some questions and demands being directed at Kanan before he quieted them and they all filed into her room. 

They looked much the same as before, except this time none of them opened their mouths and they were finding it rather hard to make eye contact. Hera rolled her eyes and joked, “I know this isn’t my best look but it can’t be that bad.”

The line didn’t come out as smooth as she’d intended, her voice still a little scratchy and it wavered a bit in anticipation, but it did the job. Ezra and Zeb chuckled while Sabine let out a relieved laugh, practically launching herself to Hera’s side. 

Sabine scooped up her hand and Hera couldn’t help but think of the last time they were in this situation. She had been so sure that when she woke up the young Mandolorian would have climbed up a few numbers on her body count. Hera gave a tight squeeze, trying to relay that everything would be okay. Sabine let out a sigh, tears welling in her eyes that she did her best to blink away. 

When she glanced up Hera found the boys waiting at the foot of her bed. Zeb looked like a heavy weight had been lifted off of his chest and he could finally take a deep breath again. Casting her gaze towards Ezra, who was shifting anxiously from foot to foot, Hera was surprised he hadn’t climbed into the cot with her already.

Finally, she spoke the words that they had all been waiting to hear, “I’m going to be alright guys. You saved me and I’m here. I may not be one hundred percent right now, but I’ll get there.”

Kanan smiled as he heard the words, he already knew she would be alright but the knot of anxiety in his stomach eased a bit as she said the words herself. Hera made a point not to look at that smile for the moment but instead at the other three beaming towards her, along with the excited beeps from Chopper. 

“No Chop, that does not mean that you’re in charge while I’m getting better.”

They all rolled their eyes and shared a laugh as Chopper continued to chirp on about the chain of command and how “there were going to be some changes around here, starting with Kanan.” Hera felt some pain in her ribs as she laughed but she refused to show it, nothing was going to ruin this moment of bliss for her. Her family would do more for her than any amount of bacta would.

When the laughter died down, Hera asked, “So whose idea was the bat wings?”

Suddenly everyone was talking over each other and the room erupted into chaos. 

“Well it was my idea, of course, I was the one—“

“I came up with the design, Hera, I told—“

“Those flying death traps! It’s a miracle they even—“

Hera continued to chuckle as she tried to keep track of the stories being told to her, the three of them fighting for control over the conversation as Chopper tried to interject his own opinion. She smiled at the familiarity of it and let her mind wander as their voices soothed her thoughts. She glanced towards Kanan who was quiet but ever-present, leaning against the door with his arms crossed over his chest as though he was on guard. However, the grin on his lips told her that he was enjoying this moment just as much as she was. 

She leaned back against the wall and let their voices wash over her, a soothing balm for a wounded heart and mind. She was hurting, in constant pain and in danger of crying at any moment but she did her best to push all thoughts of that from her mind. Hera was alive, she was in one piece, she was surrounded by the people that she loved. General Syndulla would recover, she would come back and fight as she had never done so before thanks to the new fire in her heart, and she would end the Empire. She would end Pryce, personally if possible.

Hera Syndulla was hurt but never broken and before long, she would soar again.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for the read! lemme know what you thought of it!


End file.
